Archive for November, 2009|Monthly archive page

In Misc. on November 26, 2009 at 11:52 am

Tattoo concept: get a tattoo of every new species of mammal (or other category of animal or plant) that goes extinct.


In Misc. on November 25, 2009 at 9:15 pm

At the gym: a video display at the treadmill that shows graphics of someone you’re chasing.  A guy who stole your wallet; a beautiful woman in skimpy shorts; Osama Bin Laden (who leers back and gives you the finger or burns a miniature American flag and tosses it over his shoulder).  Or, instead of chasing someone, you could be running away from killers, rapists, or zombies.  This would motivate anyone to really push themselves and work out their very best.

In Food and Drink on November 24, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Thanksgiving tip: Combine a traditional Thanksgiving meal — turkey, stuffing, root vegetables, gravy, etc. — with a traditional all-American breakfast: fried eggs, bacon, hash browns, sausage links, etc.  Mix and match with total freedom.  Combinations are endless…

In Misc. on November 22, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Website/blog: Photos of very big people driving tiny cars and tiny people driving very big cars.

In TV on November 19, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Reality TV show: The Devil.  Subjects’ names have been supplied by their friends and family — “Do you know someone who is having a crisis of faith or is beginning to doubt their religious beliefs?”  They are told only that they are participating in a show that explores issues of religion and science.

The host is a zealous atheist; but unlike Dawkins, Hitchens, etc., he is charming, funny, and likeable.  Over the course of each episode, under the guise of respectfully challenging the subjects’ (already-wavering) beliefs, this host tries to persuade them that religion is a lie, God doesn’t exist, and that they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by putting their faith solely in science and the will of man.  Their judgement dulled by other persuasive people, famous guests, cute puppies, free food and alcohol, etc., the subjects are pressured into signing a document formally renouncing their belief.  On the show, silly horn, tail, and brimstone special effects are occasionally added, and the host winks at the camera.

“The week on The Devil: Margie is a single mother of four whose father was a Baptist minister.  But when her new boyfriend didn’t share her beliefs, Margie started to doubt.  When our team of tempters comes to town, will her faith stay strong, or will her soul be cast?  Tuesday at nine.”

In Literary on November 16, 2009 at 10:27 pm

Book: Monks to Watch Out For.  Profiles of various high-achieving monks from around the world.  Buddhist, Trappist, all kinds of monks.  This one has made prize beer for over 25 years; this one has made a certain epic pilgrimage across Asia 13 times (a world record); this one takes gorgeous pictures of nothing but water, etc.

In Food and Drink on November 14, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Newest health fad: breast milk.  It’s the best thing in the world for you, with every kind of vitamin, nutrient, antioxidant, etc.  Gwyneth Paltrow, Tom and Katie, etc. all swear by it…

In Movies on November 14, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Animated movie, Cooties. These Cooties are a loveable band of scamps, like boxcar hobos.  Tennessee Red, Stumpy O’Reilly, Fats Henderson, Morty the Jew (“I’m Morty the Jew, what’s it to you!”)  They co-star with girl cooties, who they’ve heard so much about and are eager to meet: Easy Mary, Fast-talkin’ Sue, Little Mae, who packs a pistol, Two-ton Minnie Malone, Tess, who’s simple but can do math in her head, etc.

In Movies on November 14, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Bank Job.  The time is ripe for the first gay bank-robbery movie.  One of those crossover hits like In and Out. Sexual tension between the lead bank robber and the hunky – straight – detective who is on their tail.  They don’t get together, of course, but the detective learns much from the experience, expresses his emotions better, perhaps finally proposes to his girlfriend.  In the end, somehow both the detective and the robbers win at the expense of the bank, which is the real enemy.

In Misc. on November 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Character in a comedy or skit: Gary the Chatty Cowboy.  Cowboys, once represented as exclusively white and male, can now be black, Native American, women, or gay — but they cannot be chatty.  This is the last cowboy taboo.  Friendly Gary drives his cowboy pardners crazy with his incessant chatting.  His grizzled buddy Hank tries to set him straight:

“Gary, I gotta tell you.  You can rope a steer put-near better’n any man I know.  You can take that herd from here to Oklahoma and not lose one heifer.  But if you don’t quit talkin’ so dang much, won’t nobody hire you this side a the Pecos!”

“Well gosh, Hank — I didn’t think I talked so much…maybe more’n the average amount, I guess, although how you’d calculate that I’m not sure.  Maybe with some kind of survey –”

“Gary!  You’re a cowboy.  That means one thing: you got to be taciturn.  Short-spoken.  Laconic.  Man of few — dammit!  Now you got me doin’ it!”