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Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

In Movies on October 8, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Movie inspired by songs like “Copacabana,” which no one really likes but which get stuck in your head permanently. A man, nearing middle age and down on his luck, blames one such song for every failure in his life. It seems that at every crucial moment requiring poise or confidence, he froze, unable to think of anything but the inane lyrics and obnoxious melody of that song. That big presentation at work, a court appearance, marriage proposal, etc. Feeling he has nothing left to lose, he resolves to track down the singer/songwriter and exact revenge. But when he finds him, the former star is broke and alone — and furthermore says that he too feels his life has been ruined by the song. He confesses that he stole it from his former mentor and never gave him credit; the song, he believes, is cursed, and only evil ever came of it. Together the two hard-up losers come up with a plan to redeem not just themselves, but the original songwriter, the song, and the millions around the world who have been annoyed by it.

In Movies on January 15, 2013 at 11:45 am

Movie: “Play with Fire.” America is ready for a movie about a gang of sexy arsonists. Sort of like “Gone in 60 Seconds,” but arson. Best friends from a small town decide to try their luck in the big city and before long are living the dream of starting insurance fires for the mob. But when a beautiful woman joins their operation, the ensuing rivalry threatens to torch their friendship to its foundations. In this love triangle, how long before someone gets burned?

In Movies on October 8, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Jurassic-Park-type movie in which scientists bring back extinct animals – the woolly mammoth, the brontosaurus, the dodo – in order to breed them for food.

In Movies on July 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Movie about a Nigerian guy, a minor bureaucrat, bank officer or lawyer, who discovers someone’s unclaimed inheritance sitting in some sort of legal limbo. It would be easy to take the money for himself, and his family and colleagues, expecting generous cuts, urge him to do this. But the man is honest and believes the the money should go to its rightful owner. The sole heir of the deceased and rightful inheritor of this fortune is an American for whom he can only find a name and an email address. When multiple emails go unanswered, the Nigerian clerk sets out for America, accompanied by some wacky friend or family member. On the way he finds adventure, love, and perhaps even his own little piece of the American dream.

In Movies on March 20, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Movie set in a future in which scientist James Lovelock’s predictions for climate catastrophe have come true and the only areas of the planet that can support human civilization are the north and south poles. Each is only a legend to the other — until a group of outcasts from the north pole sets off on the journey south in a boat they’ve made from the skeleton of an ancient ship. On the way, they encounter sea monsters and explore tropical lands where nomadic tribes live among the ruins of the past civilization. At last they reach the temperate realms of the south pole, where they find either a) a society much like theirs, but different in some crucial way; b) a warlike society mobilizing at that very moment for the invasion and enslavement of the north or c) a pristine wilderness which they can then settle and repopulate.

In Movies on February 29, 2012 at 10:37 am

Movie set in a future in which the doctrine of “an eye for an eye” is applied as literally as possible. In order to make the perpetrator of a crime suffer in exactly the same way as his victim did, teams of actor/policemen recreate the crime scene and the crime down to the last detail, with the criminal as victim. These productions are a special kind of theatre — a new art form. In this story, a star “director” of these programs is torn between loyalty to his craft and loyalty to his family when his own brother commits a series of gruesome crimes involving two rival motorcycle gangs, a troupe of dancing midgets, a grand ball at the governor’s mansion, and a total of 287 victims and bystanders. The director’s greatest artistic triumph will also be his greatest betrayal…

In Movies on January 22, 2012 at 12:10 am

Movie: It turns out the founding fathers, in another measure taken to secure the future of their young nation, saved samples of their sperm. Some primitive form of preservation — proto-cryonics powered by a molasses battery, something like that — one of Ben Franklin’s inventions. These samples have been locked in some vault since then. They are discovered by accident just when we need them most. So begins a secret program to find mothers to carry the babies of Washington, Jefferson, Hamilton, etc. — babies who will someday save our country from inept politicians. Sort of like the Boys from Brazil, only good…

In Movies, TV on March 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Subtitles for people who can’t follow movie or TV plots.

“I just got a call from headquarters.  Mrs. Persimmon [mean lady with the red lipstick] has been killed.”

“What!”

“Captain Stevens [guy with the blond hair] found her body at Bergdorf’s place [big loft apartment with the housemaid].”

…Other subtitles could define big words or slang, or explain jokes for the humor-impaired.

In Movies on April 21, 2010 at 10:29 am

Romantic comedy about the volcanic ash cloud.  Around the world, love blooms as people are trapped in unfamiliar locations and thrown together with new people.  A British couple, the husband stranded in New York, the wife alone in London, both meet sexy strangers.  A fancy guy travelling on business is stuck in Azerbaijan and falls in love with the village headman’s daughter.  A destination wedding is ruined: husband and wife-to-be are alone on a beautiful island with no guests, where they bicker continually.  Through it all, an old Icelandic couple, married for sixty years, lives under the volcano itself and refuses to move.

In Movies on February 23, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Movie: Black Mossad.  A faux-blaxploitation revenge fantasy a la Inglorious Basterds.  Set in the 70s.  A group of black men, disillusioned with the civil rights movement, decide that if the Israelis can track down and assassinate former Nazis living in Uruguay then they can do the same to ex-lynchers in Mississippi.  Their mastermind is a little old grandmother who funds them with the money from her husband’s life insurance policy.  They train, make a list, then go and get the job done.   Of course, some of the picturesque racists they take on (hats, bolo ties, Colonel-Sanders-style mustaches) provide more of a challenge than they expected, being expert not just with a wide array of guns but with other weapons too: knives, compound bows, sabers first forged for the Civil War and kept cleaned and polished ever since…