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Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

In Movies, TV on March 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Subtitles for people who can’t follow movie or TV plots.

“I just got a call from headquarters.  Mrs. Persimmon [mean lady with the red lipstick] has been killed.”

“What!”

“Captain Stevens [guy with the blond hair] found her body at Bergdorf’s place [big loft apartment with the housemaid].”

…Other subtitles could define big words or slang, or explain jokes for the humor-impaired.

In TV on March 26, 2010 at 9:24 pm

Reality TV show in which the Czech Republic and Slovakia are reunited.  It’s what they want, and it’s what everybody wants.  Across America, people get teary and husbands and wives squeeze each other’s hands as the Czech and Slovak presidents embrace and sign the treaty merging their countries back into Czechoslovakia.

In TV on March 4, 2010 at 2:13 pm

TV show: “World’s Sexiest…”  Each episode would feature a top-ten list and plenty of steamy footage of things that nobody, except apparently the show’s producers and hosts, thinks of as sexy.  World’s Sexiest Fruits.  World’s Sexiest Mammals.  World’s Sexiest Celebrity Crying Scenes.

“Everybody knows about the persimmon.  But its lesser-known relative, the Mabolo, has been heating up forests in the Philippines for years…”

The objects wouldn’t be chosen at random. You would always be able to see that they kind of had a point…

In TV on November 19, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Reality TV show: The Devil.  Subjects’ names have been supplied by their friends and family — “Do you know someone who is having a crisis of faith or is beginning to doubt their religious beliefs?”  They are told only that they are participating in a show that explores issues of religion and science.

The host is a zealous atheist; but unlike Dawkins, Hitchens, etc., he is charming, funny, and likeable.  Over the course of each episode, under the guise of respectfully challenging the subjects’ (already-wavering) beliefs, this host tries to persuade them that religion is a lie, God doesn’t exist, and that they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by putting their faith solely in science and the will of man.  Their judgement dulled by other persuasive people, famous guests, cute puppies, free food and alcohol, etc., the subjects are pressured into signing a document formally renouncing their belief.  On the show, silly horn, tail, and brimstone special effects are occasionally added, and the host winks at the camera.

“The week on The Devil: Margie is a single mother of four whose father was a Baptist minister.  But when her new boyfriend didn’t share her beliefs, Margie started to doubt.  When our team of tempters comes to town, will her faith stay strong, or will her soul be cast?  Tuesday at nine.”

In TV on November 2, 2009 at 12:19 am

TV: the opposite of Extreme Makeover.  Slender, beautiful young contestants compete to let themselves go completely, gaining huge amounts of weight, wearing tacky, ill-fitting clothes, and even submitting to uglifying surgery in order to be dubbed “Ugly Duckling” and win a big cash prize.

In TV on September 18, 2009 at 8:24 pm

New trend in tv: historical sitcoms.  This is a great way to spice up an old form.  Like MASH, or That 70’s show, only ranging freely over time and space.  For example, “Savage Garden”, a show about a wacky family of French aristocrats from some era of extreme decadence when everyone wore wigs and fake moles.  Or “The Pembertons”, about a family of British colonials in Rangoon.  Or a show, kind of like The Brady Bunch plus Gilligan’s Island, set during the cold war: for some (preposterous) reason, the US and the Soviet Union have one nuclear sub that they share.  The crew is half-Russian, half-American.  Hi-jinx, both personal and geopolitical, abound.

In TV on September 9, 2009 at 2:23 pm

TV show: Fat Cat Camp.  A competitive weight loss program for obese pets.  The rotund animals (cats, dogs, and the occasional rabbit, hamster or ferret) would go through obstacle courses, sleep in cabins, etc., while their owners sized each other up and cultivated petty feuds.  The pets (who of course wouldn’t give a rat’s ass — so to speak — if they lost an ounce) would be regularly weighed and the results announced with maximum drama.

In Movies, TV on September 4, 2009 at 12:27 am

Sci-fi movie or tv series about a spaceship bound to colonize a distant planet.  The journey will take 3,000 years, (or 500 or 30,000 years) so an entire civilization must have its history on the ship…

In TV on August 27, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Reality TV show that the contestants have chosen over jail time.